Sometimes, when we lose a loved one, the aftermath is often an experience of mixed feelings – pain, regret, guilt, and sometimes joy. The worse part of this is that of guilt – the thought of not having played your role well when they lived; what you thought you could have done better.
When dad passed, it was the feeling of pain and when time passed, the pain turned to regret – I started to blame myself for not spending quality time with dad and not showing him as much love that he deserved.
So few days to “Father’s Day”’, dad visited in what I would call the most beautiful dream I have ever experienced – dad was not feeling well but still showed up at work ( hard work and dedication were defining features of him when he lived ).
Since I was worried about him, I decided to go check on him at work. He stood by a group of co-workers, almost “dying” (exactly what I saw in the dream) but none bordered to call in for some help. They pretended not to have noticed, focusing on their work.
My arrival was timely! and here is the beautiful part of it – I was filled with some unimaginable boldness 🙂 – I rushed to the scene, took dad in my arms like a baby, and admonished his co-workers for their insane attitude (I’m intolerant to injustice and I naturally rebel against it). I could see the feeling of shock, shame, and guilt dazzling on their faces while I walked away with dad. (Even in the dream, I experienced some peace in my heart).
I believe God wanted to free me from the feelings of guilt I had been experiencing since dad passed. He wanted me to know I loved and cared for dad and that Dad is at peace with me.
The dream also presents a few lessons: It is important that we take care of ourselves – it is okay that your health should come first before work. It is also true that work might not be a friend in the same way you’ve been to it (includes bosses and co-workers).
Finally, do your best for loved ones while they live. And sometimes, you can’t be a good judge on this. Allow God to decide what you did or didn’t do right when they are not alive anymore. You don’t know enough even about yourself to understand this. So, save yourself from the feeling of guilt! It is destructive!